Building Shame Resilience Through The Power of Coaching.
Just before we were about to be announced as youth pastors my first husband went missing.
I remember the turmoil. The crying out to God and not knowing why this would be happening right here in this pivotal moment of our lives. Why would he allow my husband’s mental health issues to spring to the surface, causing him to lose his identity?
For a while there, the sisterhood were supportive. I could call someone and they’d let me sit on their couch and cry. Eventually, these invites dried up. I still remember one call where I could hear laughter in the background of a phone call I had made.
I longed to be there amongst those women but they no longer wanted me to hang out. I was depressed after all. No one had time for that any more.Oh how I longed for connection back then. Judgement free.
Eventually, I found it.
As I scrambled my way out of the fog, with God’s shining light beaming down amongst the darkness, I found my tribe. Women in my sisterhood who I could call upon to mentor and love on me. I grew stronger through mentorship.
My first coach guided me back to how I was so caught up in doing ALL THE THINGS and that I had developed my worth from the doing rather than just in the being. I’d covered my pain instead of processed it.
As the coaching series progressed, I came to rest in the knowledge that God truly held me and I didn’t need to do anything to abide in His love. I found new ways of connecting with God and I grew and blossomed.
Now, as an anxiety coach, I help women with anxiety say ‘yes’ more to life.
Photo Credit: Louise Williams from Emotive Images
John 10:10 says that Jesus came
‘so they may have life and have it more abundantly.’
It is God’s desire for you to live an abundant life even if you experience anxiety.
And here’s the thing…
God has placed women in your path to help you.
In fact, Proverbs 27:17 speaks about as ‘iron sharpens iron ; so a person sharpens his friend.’ Mentoring and coaching has the power to sharpen you so that you can dwell in the abundance that God has for you.
In my time as a coach, I have seen women allow themselves to feel freedom from sexual abuse and come to know who they truly are as princesses in God’s kingdom. They have set up businesses in the areas of fashion, interior design and even a personalised gift service.
Many have quit soul sucking jobs and quit blaming themselves for past partners who had abused them. Others have started the journey of faith.
Another client, a hoarder, created a sanctuary within her home as she learnt to treasure her own sanctuary within.
Coaching and mentorship is powerful.
We were made for community, for sisterhood,
for sharpening one another.
So who best to ask but my community (the closed Facebook anxiety support group I run), about what they found was most powerful about their coaching experiences. This is what they said:
“The freedoms that come with break throughs. I’m much lighter and more at peace.”
“The most powerful thing about coaching is finding answers within yourself. Admitting something to yourself that you have been denying. The answer is always there, but often we need that impartial person to be able to ask the right questions, and we have to trust that person enough to answer honestly. When you get there, you sleep for hours because you’re exhausted, but then you feel free. It’s the most wonderful feeling.”
“The biggest change since coaching was learning to not run from conflict. In the past I would avoid it or get upset and internalise it. However, I learned how to communicate clearly how I was feeling and developed better self-care."
“The biggest change I’ve witnessed since coaching was acceptance of self. I used to loathe what I saw. Now I see a sassy lady who deserves love and respect.”
Brene Brown in her book “Daring Greatly” says “If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can't survive.” Perhaps you’ve been holding your story inside of you, afraid of the judgement you may receive.
Maybe you’ve tried to talk to someone about your struggles but you felt unheard as the person gave advice like ‘don’t worry,’ ‘be positive’ or ‘all things work together for good.’ Or you’ve been trying to reach that beautiful goal God has put into your heart but your default self sabotages you.
You know, one moment you’re working on your biz and next minute you’re scrolling mindlessly through Facebook, sucked into its time wasting vortex.
Your story is important and vital for building shame resilience. Coaches have this amazing ability to listen to your story and guide you back to self-compassion.
After all, Jesus came so that we could experience life,
not live by the shackles of shame.
Be sharpened by the support networks around you and share with your safe people unashamedly. Let your voice be heard.
God makes beauty through your ashes. He did so with mine. I re-married a wonderful man of character, have a business where I get to help women with anxiety live full lives and I have a God who has held me through it all.
He’s got you. Lean in!
Photo Credit: Louise Williams from Emotive Images
Diana Braybrooke is a Life Coach for women who have anxiety. Through her practical yet heart felt blog posts, coaching, freebie vault and online support group she’s here to show you how to get more connection, clarity and calm into your life.
When she’s not helping anxious women say ‘yes’ more to life she’s writing her latest soul whispers through poetry, having a daggy dance off with her toddler and savouring an artisan coffee at a Hips